You're far too trusting...

A New Hope is full of lies.

"There will be no escape for the Princess this time" C-3PO to R2-D2

When Leia's hologram appears while Luke is cleaning R2, Luke asks who she is. 3Po replies"I'm not quite sure, sir. I think she was a person of some importance on our last voyage."

When Luke asks about the recording, 3PO translates R2's lie that Leia's message is old data and to pay it no mind. R2 lies again immediately. R2 tells Luke that if he removes the restraining bolt on him, he will be able to play back Leia's whole message.

"A young Jedi, named Darth Vader. Who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father." The most famous lie of Star Wars. Point of view...

Grand Moff Tarkin offers Leia a chance to save her home world by giving up the Rebels hidden base. "Dantooine, they're on Dantooine..." Leia's last hope effort to prevent the destruction of Alderaan.

Tarkin then gives the order to destroy Alderaan anyway... and is astounded to find out later that Leia had lied to him about the Rebel Base on Dantooine.

Lastly is 3PO lies to a Stormtrooper on the Death Star so he and R2 can get back to the Millenium Falcon. "All this commotion has short circuited my counterpart here, I'd like to take him down to maintenance."

The difference between these lies and the lies of the Prequel Trilogy is that in A New Hope they are used purposefully. Most importantly is Obi-Wan's lie to Luke about his father. What he told Luke WAS true, from a certain point of view... That makes all the difference.

The lie that Qui-Gon Jinn was the Jedi Master who instructed Obi-Wan is useless. More importantly it contradicts the Original Trilogy. The lie that Yoda would use a lightsaber as an 800 year old Jedi Master is a contradiction and it also debases an amazing character. These lies don't serve to pull two stories together. They split them apart.

The most beautiful lies of A New Hope are told by everyone's favorite droids! The concept that droids could, and would lie is fantastic. The droids lies are also explained... In the radio drama adaptation of A New Hope, Leia gives R2 and 3PO a special command that allows them to lie on her behalf to protect the information in R2. This makes these lies useful, plot driven and absolutely imperative to storytelling.

Where as battle droids who say "Uh-oh" and ignorantly talk amongst themselves is senseless. A relatively scary or at least intimidating army of robots becomes a joke.

It's as though Lucas just gave up on storytelling with the Prequels. Everything that can be is explained away in dialogue. "Master what are Midi-Chlorians?" Which is followed by a boring semi-scientific explanation which destroys the mystical energy field that surrounds and penetrates all living things.

We have planned devious lies for the Improved Star Wars prequels. Some based on the Original Trilogy, and some based on the good pieces of the Prequels. One of our goals is to tell this story so that when you are done reading it you will understand the connection between the two trilogies. You will understand the true sadness of the destruction of Alderaan. You will know what will make Obi-Wan shift his point of view. Most of all you will be destroyed by the Fall of Anakin Skywalker. Join us, and read!

Please make sure you click the title link for this weeks blog. It's a special easter egg! I guarantee you will laugh as hard as I did!

Caleb

Yoda sketch

Yo everyone. Just wanted to share with you guys a little Yoda sketch I did, referencing one of Caleb's Yoda sketches.

We've got a bunch of cool stuff coming shortly!

Peace!
-Joebot

Last One Standing, The True Story of Boba Fett

Attack of the Clones is by far the worst of all the Star Wars Prequels. Almost the entire movie is made up of extraneous plot written only to lead up to the Clone Wars cartoon.

The two major points of contention are Boba Fett and the Clones themselves. According to Attack of the Clones, Jango Fett was chosen to be the genetic base for a clone army created for the Republic by a Jedi Master called Sifo Diyas.

According to Star Wars history from before the Prequel movies were released, the Clone Wars was a conflict about Jedi at war with cloned Jedi who had been twisted to the Dark Side. The conflict also included battles with other enemies of the Rebublic including the Mandalore warriors.

Boba Fett's introduction as the unaltered clone of Jango Fett is one of the worst parts of the entire Prequel Trilogy. Especially considering that he had already been given a beautiful backstory by Daniel Keys Moran in Tales of the Bounty Hunters, published in 1996. This book is a collection of short stories centered around the bounty hunters introduced in the Empire Strikes Back.

In this story we read the tale of Jaster Mereel, a Journeyman Protector (a sort of Police officer) from the planet Concord Dawn. He was exiled for the murder of another Protector. Jaster was offered the chance to be redeemed if he would just admit he was wrong for killing this man. He refused saying that the killing was justified because the Protector was corrupt. He was exiled, disappeared for many years and returned as the mysterious Boba Fett. No one knows exactly where, or how he acquired his Mandalorian armor.

According to Official Prequel Star Wars history, Jaster Mereel was the adopted father and mentor of Jango Fett. He was a Journeyman Protector, from Concord Dawn, and was exiled exactly as mentioned. He became Mand'alor, the leader of the Mandalore Warriors. He attempted to unite them and make them into proper mercs. He was betrayed and murdered.

Also according to Official Prequel history, Boba Fett later on in life took the name of Jaster Mereel and became a Journeyman Protector on Concord Dawn and was himself exiled for the same crime as his adopted grandfather. Seems rather redundant doesn't it?

The saddest part of this is that Fett is a money maker and had to be in the Prequels for just that reason. Like many, I feel his story should have been left alone. It was great as it was!

That is why Boba Fett will not be appearing in the Improved Star Wars Prequels. Jango Fett has been erased completely from the Improved Star Wars history. The vicious war-like Mandalore Warriors will still be a major part of the Clone Wars.

The events of the Clone Wars will be represented as the second installment of the Improved Star Wars Prequels, as it should have been. Not as a stand alone cartoon used to fill the space between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith.

May the Fourth be with You....

This page, from the Dark Empire Handbook, represents a classic example of how history was taken from and twisted by the Prequels. In Attack of the Clones, the movie, we see Obi-Wan Kenobi trapped in a similar device (As seen in the image to the left) on Geonosis after he has been captured by the barely 2 dimensional character, Count Dooku.

Why didn't we get to see the Purge of the Jedi? Why did we need to see 9 year old Anakin win a Podrace? I don't think I can ever answer these questions. Those aren't the only ones either.

I will say this: George Lucas inspired me all throughout my childhood and my adulthood. My love of Star Wars was what spurred me onto studying mythology, storytelling and the visual arts.

I don't know for sure why he allowed the Prequels to happen the way that he did. I have many theories. Maybe someday I will get to sit down with George one day and talk to him about it.

For now, we Skywalkers will create our own version of the story. We will be so glad to share it with all of you!

Don't forget! June 15th, 2010! The Force will be with you.

~ Caleb

The Dark Secret of Palpatine

This image was taken from Issue 2 of the Dark Empire comic series published by Dark Horse. The story takes place six years after the Rebels destroyed the Second Death Star in Return of the Jedi. A reborn clone of the Emperor returns to reunite the fragments of the Empire.

This page clearly illustrates the fact that Palpatine had been cloning himself for a long time. This is a very important plot element that was completely ignored in the Prequel Movies. This could have been used to beautifully illustrate Palpatine's motives in wanting to destroy the Jedi.

In Revenge of the Sith, Palpatine tells Anakin the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis. This is almost a great story! One of the few beautiful nuggets of the Original Prequels that will remain, mostly unchanged, in the Improved.

Plagueis had discovered the secret of immortality. Ironically, his apprentice murdered him in his sleep after Plagueis had taught him everything he knew. Palpatine was that apprentice, and used the lure of this power to convince Anakin to turn to the Dark Side.

In the Original Prequels the "secret" is that Plagueis could convince the midi-chlorians to keep himself and others alive. According to Palpatine only Plageuis had achieved this form of immortality. He convinces Anakin that together they could figure out the secret again.

First, This contradicts the idea that Plageuis had taught Palpatine everything he knew.

Also, Midi-chlorians have been erased from the Improved Prequels history.

Finally, Cloning is not the secret.

June 15th, The Phantom Menace Begins....

Laugh it up fuzz ball!

I have been reading a lot about other Prequel rewrites. There is a lot out there. Some of it is pretty good, some of it terrible. Some people take it to a whole other level! This made me very happy!

This is a portion of my favorite so far! I'd like to thank Jonathan Wojcik a.k.a. Scythemantis for reminding me not to take things so seriously! Gotta laugh!

Six year old Anakin Skywalker steps outside to do his desert planet chores like planting water seeds or milking lizards or some dumb thing when suddenly a Jawa Sandcrawler pulls up in his front yard (doing this totally sweet donut in the process) and all of the Jawas just start pouring out of it, like buckets of fucking Jawas flying out in every direction and start beating him with mangled droid arms. They bust into his house and fuck everything up. He has to watch them trade his hot mom to Jabba the Hutt (who is all making out with her and shit in front of him) in exchange for this bitching awesome hat (it has LED lights that spell out "SLUTS" in Jawa talk) and keep Anakin around to scrape off sand barnacles or whatever space problem you get when you drive Sandcrawlers. Over the course of eight years he pieces together Threepio from droid scraps to keep his sanity but the Jawas find the droid before it even gets turned on on and they sell it to some space guy who uses it . Anakin gets so pissed that he goes and gets the awesome hat and he punches this big hole in the top. The Jawas are so mad they throw him in the sarlaac and he is digested for 1,000 years in horrible pain. SPOILER: he was not that Anakin Skywalker!!

Original Post

Bogleech.com This is Jon's site. Excellent information on strange stuff!

Scythemantis on Deviant Art

Not to mention, how cool is this? One of Scythemantis' many collections.

Your weapons, you will not need them.